Are You "Love Drawn" or "Ego Driven" When it Comes to Making Changes For Your Life or Health?
Dear Friends,
When it comes to making changes for your life or health are you "love-drawn" or "ego driven"? I've borrowed these terms from Richard Rohr, a Franciscan friar, author, and teacher, & Founder of the Center for Action and Contemplation in Albuquerque, NM.
It starts when we decide to make some changes and, unknowingly, we're driven by fear; acting from what Rohr calls our "ego consciousness". We choose a goal (which might be completely unrealistic) and "go it alone" without help, and we don't want to fail (again).
In this state it is our fear of shame that motivates us. Most often this is totally unconscious, we're not aware that we are out to "prove" ourselves by achieving our goals. Unfortunately, when we take actions from an ego driven place we can find ourselves at the mercy of an inner task master with an urge toward perfection. If left unchecked this approach can actually undermine our health instead of help it. Here are two examples:
-- We go on extreme diets to lose weight, perhaps we succeed, but because we didn't make the lifestyle changes needed to sustain the weight loss, we end up gaining ALL of it back PLUS more.
-- We might practice yoga in a way that's severe and depleting. We might even end up injuring ourselves.
But we're just trying to be healthy, right? Despite our good intentions the demon of perfection can creep in and steal all our joy.
OK, I understand that process, but what IS "love-drawn"? And how do I make that shift?
Remember the words of Leonard Cohen:
"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That is how the light gets in."
In the yoga tradition, and most other spiritual traditions, there's an emphasis on surrendering, accepting, letting go, moving into silence, slowing down, and listening so we can hear the signals our bodies and our hearts send to us. These kind of actions can be the remedy to help us regain ease and contentment.
As we surrender more, we begin to have more self-compassion. We begin to accept our failures. Our own heart breaking allows us to accept ourselves and treat ourselves with kindness. When we come from a place of kindness we are more likely to make sustainable changes for our health and happiness. The big bonus is that we can also truly begin to extend compassion and kindness to others.